Lottie Moss On The Toxic Fashion Industry, OnlyFans, Her Sister Kate & That Face Tattoo
As she makes headlines for wading into the ‘nepo baby’ debate on Twitter (and getting a face tattoo on holiday in Bali), Lottie Moss, 24, shares in her own words what it was like growing up in the ‘toxic’ fashion industry, her stint in rehab, and how shooting nude content makes her feel empowered…
I never got the chance to understand who I really was growing up. After being scouted at 13, I started working in the fashion industry at 16 – one minute, I was being a normal kid in class; the next, I was doing shoots with Gigi Hadid in LA. It was a crazy whirlwind. I felt like Hannah Montana.
Back then, I didn’t grasp how detrimental it can be for your mental health in the public eye at such a young age. Especially being Kate Moss’s sister, I was immediately thrown in the spotlight, and I always felt like I was living in her shadow. When I started out, I was always just ‘Kate Moss’s sister’. That was really hard for me growing up, especially not being that close with my sister (we still don’t really have a relationship now, which is something I never really speak about). But back then, I was bombarded with people constantly asking me about my sister – I’d go to my friends’ houses and there would be pictures of her on the walls – and it really triggered a lot of abandonment issues. It’s hard when you have someone ‘close’ to you doing the exact same job as you, who’s already very prominent in the industry, but not having any advice or guidance.
A lot of managers in the modelling industry realise you’re young and impressionable, and when you’re 16 or 17, they can mould you into whatever they want you to be. They do not have your best interests at heart. They just think: ‘What can we do to pump the most money out of you?’
With that comes an immense pressure to look a certain way. When I first moved to London at 18, I was immediately given a stylist because my clothes weren’t fashionable enough. They’d pick out all my outfits – even when I was just going to the shops – in case I got papped. When I went to my agency’s office for the first time, my agent told me: ‘You need to get a personal trainer’. I trained five times a week. As Fashion Week approached, they told me I had to get to a 23-inch waist and 30-inch hips if I had any hopes of doing runway. I’m 5 foot 5. Whenever I ate on set or at castings, my agents would laugh at me. They’d say: “Here’s ‘ham and cheese sandwich girl’ again” or, “She’s having another ham and cheese sandwich!” And I’d just laugh along. Back then, I didn’t realise how traumatising it was as a young girl; all the things they said to me. I’m incredibly lucky I didn’t develop an eating disorder.
So, I did get down to a 23-inch waist. When I look back at photos of me at that Fashion Week, I look very underweight. It wasn’t healthy, and it was the start of a lot of problems for me.
Over the years that followed, there were occasional fun times, but most of the time, it was a very dark place to be. I was forced to do jobs with brands I didn’t want to work for because the money was ‘too good’. I wanted to cry when I didn’t fit into the clothes on shoots because I wasn’t sample size. I’d cry on set when I felt too uncomfortable, and they’d just patch up my makeup. I never received the support I needed from the people who were meant to be taking care of me. The attitude was more, ‘put a plaster over the problem and keep her working; ply her with alcohol or whatever to keep her going’, rather than, ‘OK, maybe this girl needs help.’
As the pressure from the industry became unbearable, I fell into a deep depression. I didn’t want to show up for work; I couldn’t. And I got blamed for it. ‘Other girls would die to be in your position,’ my agents would tell me. ‘You’re being so ungrateful’. I wanted to scream. Somewhere along the line, I just completely lost myself, and I had a mental breakdown.
So, in April 2021, I decided to take a step back from modelling. I was living with my best friend Sahara Ray in Los Angeles at the time, and she was doing OnlyFans. I’d never met someone who was so open and free with their body, who wasn’t being pressured and could work on their terms. We started doing nude shoots together, and then we started inviting other girls over to create content with us too. We would set up the shoot and make sets for them, we’d sit and chat and shoot together. We were all taking our clothes off and running round, and everyone felt comfortable and safe. It’s amazing what you can do when it’s just all women in the house. I remember thinking, why can’t the rest of the world be like this?
I was making good money from OnlyFans almost immediately. I don’t want to say how much, there’s a lot of information out there about how much girls earn, but it wasn’t about that for me. For me, it was about finding something where I could finally be myself and not only feel comfortable – which I hadn’t at work for so long – but feel empowered, too. The modelling industry is so glamourised and OnlyFans is so villainised, yet OnlyFans is the only place I’ve felt this empowered and safe.
I’m part of a community on OnlyFans – I love nudity, I love doing naked shoots, feeling good about myself and watching other girls feel proud of themselves, too
But when it was announced that I was doing OnlyFans, I got ripped apart by the press. There were headlines saying I’d ‘hit rock bottom’ because I couldn’t get modelling work. After that, I was fired from my collaboration with PacSun, I was axed from my agency, and everyone I’d worked with in modelling just dropped off. It had a huge impact on me, and I didn’t anticipate just how much my life was going to change. I’d gone from working non-stop in an intense industry I’d been in since I was 16, to doing OnlyFans and not only getting no support from those around me, but being ridiculed and shamed for it. I started to feel depressed and anxious again. It wasn’t long until I couldn’t get out of bed, and would numb my anxiety with drugs and alcohol. And that’s why I checked myself into rehab earlier this year in February.
Finally opening up about my emotions – something I’d bottled up for so long – in daily therapy sessions was the best thing I could have done for my mental health. I finally worked through my trauma, and realised how important it is to open up to the people around you.
Looking back at how I started this year, I’d never have imagined that I’d end it in the best place I’ve ever been mentally. I’m part of a community on OnlyFans – I love nudity, I love doing naked shoots, feeling good about myself and watching other girls feel proud of themselves, too. I feel protected by my management team who help me manage my account, see what content sells best, and take down any leaks that come through sites like Reddit. They’re amazing guys and I’d trust them with my life. It’s the first time I’ve felt safe being managed by men.
Since rehab, I’ve been on a journey of self-discovery. I’ve spent a lot of time in Bali, surrounded by nature, reading alone or spending time with like-minded people – and learning to love myself again while finally being free from my former life. That’s why I decided to get my face tattoo; the word ‘lover’ under my eye. Yes, it was impulsive, but after years of being so controlled, it was my way of expressing that I am free. I’m no longer controlled.
When I think back to that vulnerable 18-year-old girl, who was told to get down to lose weight and was ridiculed for eating sandwiches, I wish I could tell her it’s OK to be yourself. It makes me sad that she thought she had to be someone else. I’ve only just started being the real me, and I love her. It’s such a relief to finally be my true self. I just wish I’d realised it sooner.
For more from Lottie Moss, follow her on Instagram @lottiemossxo.
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